found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
