Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
