Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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