I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
