It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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