haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
