I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
