This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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