Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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