So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
