She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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