The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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