Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my moral compass just broke
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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