Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
