Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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