Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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