I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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