you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
