I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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