Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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