best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
