Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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