i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
