I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
