Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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