I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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