Sry I called you an 8
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
