Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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