Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
