I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
