btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
