happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
