At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
