I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got inside last night via doggy door
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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