I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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