the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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