So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
