You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
