dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
