I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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