So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
