alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
