i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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