First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
