You made me cry and you don't even care
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
