you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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