I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize