Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
