Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
