I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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