Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
