Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
