i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
