guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
