You can't special order awesome
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
