dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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