Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
