this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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