whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
