butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
