k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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