Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
