Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
